The Old Friend is Coming Back

The old friend is coming back,

squeezing my throat.

I thought he's gone forever,

guess the same old shit won't be gone

Thought it's easy to handle,

but it never was.

Thought this would be as easy as always,

thought this is the same old shit,

but it wasn't

Before you know, I'm choking,

gasping the air, pulling hands

into fist

Why can't I just be the way I want to

Air's gonna end and I'm just gonna die,

finally though.

Can't stand the pain anymore,

still gasping the air, is this really me?

Before you know, I'm crying,

and everything hits on me again.

The old friend is coming back to me,

he won't let my mind alone,

he won't let me be alone.

He'll be there always,

he's been there as long as he came.

He never left me, he just shuts up,

for a long time,

he don't speak, only hurts,

only doing things to me,

hurting, choking only.

Before you know, I'm choking,

gasping the air, pulling my hands

into fist

Why can't I just be the way I want to

Air's gonna end and I'm just gonna die,

finally though.

But this time, I'm gonna end him,

before he starts to speak again.

Never liked him, always hated him,

like he cared about that,

he was just tricking my mind,

sometimes saying something.

This time, I'm not gonna let him to talk,

this time, I'm gonna end him,

for rest of my life.

Though it's been over two years now,

Still hating him, never wanted,

him to come back.

Why can't he just die?
Why can't he just e me be alone,
for a once?
Why can't I kill him?
Why

-Frankie

I heart flea market

Am I crazy for felling love with this...?

-Frankie

It was an idea, not a band

I think I found the reason why. Tears rolling down my cheeks, while thoughts are flying around in my mind. It was only an idea, not a band?  Tears rolling faster and faster down my cheeks. I think, I'm so messed up right now. Don't know what to think or do. I don't know how to handle my angry. I just want to break everything, beat the shit out of someone. 
He said, or wrote, that My Chemical Romace is end, but it can never die. Okay, the band is still there, it can never die, it will be there forever. He didn't want to act on stage, he never did. I guess he couldn't enjoy it anymore somewhere near their end. I think that's good reason to end up with.  Who wants to look up in to their idol, role model or whatever, if they are only acting and faking on stage? I don't want to, I want to look up at real thing in there. Real joy, happines, having fun and the most important, Love. And it should be real for them and of course, for fans. If you can't give real happines or joy, or love, you shouldn't be doing it anymore.

I think, I'm at that point where I can go forward, look back without heart breaking sadness.
I'm at that point where I'm not crying after them.
I think that they had an idea, which they just wanted to resurrect, not to have a band. Sometimes I thought, can this band really exist. I mean their music for me was, and it still is, perfect, the band-or idea- was perfect.
For me they were so perfect to be true. So perfect, that I cried myself to asleep, so perfect I didn't know how to be, I didn't know what to think or say, but clearly in my mind is that I didn't know how to describe the band. There's no words to describe them, I can't find the words to say how much their music means to me. I know why the music is deep in side my heart, but I'm won't tell it. It's way too personal. But I love their music, maybe a little too much, but it's fucking real to me. 

-Ronnie