....

So it's been a while when I last wrote here, and here's happen alot things...
for example I were Mötley Crüe's show 6th on this month and I think it was great for an festival gig. It was so fun to be there and finally see them!

We had this meeting with " our group " from school; we just talk and stuff. I've ordered 2 Mötlety Crüe's CD ( Too Fast For Love and Shout at the Devil ) which arrived here like... few days ago, and I also ordered - few days ago - Sixx:A.M.'s CD and yesterday I get the e-mail which said that they've send it to me and it should be here soon.
And I also ordered metal guitar pic from Mötley Crüe's website, and it's beutaiful; I love it. I'm just a bit afraid that how much it would cost... 'Cause with shipped cost's it's 22,95$ and dollars doesn't help with this case, 'cause I wanna know how much it'd be in euros... But I think it's between 23 and 30€.. So while waiting those...

As you know, that how much I hate cleaning, I have to admit that I just a while ago cleaned my bathroom, and yesterday I cleaned my kitchen ! So I'm very proud of myself again, and I think that's a good sign, or what ya think ?
I actually have to clean here, because my mother is coming here sunday and next wednesday my social service woman - whose I'm collaborate - is coming here ! And I DO NOT WANT HER TO COME HERE, IN MY HOUSE !! But I do have to deal with that, and she said something like that seh wants to see my house, because she was here in a hurry when she last was here... And when she last were here she picked me up and gave me a ride this one meeting or something...

Oh and btw I'm not anymore Tiia for my friends, I'm Frankie for my friends now... Only for important cases I'm Tiia, like when I go to the social service office or grocery shop etc. you know what I mean...

xoxo;
Frankie

" If I smoke, I'd quit "

That's what the posters says, but do you really believe that those famous peple who are in those posters don't smoke ? I mean, I'm sure that at least one of 'em smoke, or had smoked... ( how that should be said ? had smoke, had smoked... uhh whatever, i don't care.. )

I really should quit on smokin'. Or at least I should really think about it, I mean; I was in a grocery shop whiule ago, and my chest hurts when breath. My allergy is the second reason, why my chest hurts, but smoking doesn't help it... And I even gasp sooner than earlier, I'm not that good shape as I were few years ago....
Well, I've start to make some sit-ups; 50 per da and that's not enough. I know I should eat more healthier, but... I just don't manage to do those vegetarian foods... I'm too lazy for that. So I'm just eating spaghetti and brown sauce with minced meat... minced meat is only meat what I actually eat.... I just can't eat sausages, or chicken or or ham... it just... so, grose....

Uuuhm.. yeh, I'm tired soo see ya...

xoxo;

pallokala

Couscous

Okay, so...

I made some couscous.

well done cooked couscous, tuna fish in oil, oil or melted butter, salt and a little cucumber. And put the cucumber in with your own taste. And sure you could put there any other vegetables if you want.

And made the couscous following by the recipe...

and again, sry 'bout my english. I know I don't speak it well but I'm trying...

fuck!

So, my compute broke up so I'm not goin' to be here in a while.

xoxo;
pallokala

Fucking apple...

Just while ago I ate apple pie which I made yesterday, and now my throat hurts BUT I do not have shortness of fucking breath... Yes, I am allergic of apple... Well lemme correct myself,I'm allergic of raw apple... Sure I'd could eat well done apple, but obviously not... Everything's fine until i don't have problems to breath....

And apple isn't the worst, peanuts are the worst allergic which I have... Thank GOD I could eat M&M's chocolate.... But that doesn't matter actually, 'cause I don't eat candies much... I just don't like to eat 'em. Just like ice cream, everyone else are eatin' ice cream like litres and litres but I just don't kinda like ice cream... yak.. well, I ate yesterday ONE ice cream, and that will be the one and only ice cream... for this summer...

uuughh, well I'm going to put that apple pie in trash can...

It's been a looong time..

So, Yes.
It's been a long time since I wrote in here...

Soo, it has happened a lot, while I haven't write in here and I don't even remember what I've wrote last time... :: D

But anyway, uum...

I gravitate in three school, and now I just have to wait until I know, which school I get in :: )
And, the results will be released in June or somethin', I'm not so sure when, but in summer they release the results. And I just have to wish the best, of course.

Umm, what else...

I just decide, that I'm going to do every day sit-ups at least 50, and try to sit up straight. I even bought bananas, but I ate 'em like in two days.... BECAUSE I LOVE BANANAS !
Aaand, I start to eat vegetarian food, 'cause don'teat meat much at all... except minced meat.
Oh, and I bought yesterday or was it day before yesterday... well whatever, so I bought some couscous... Gosh I love couscous...

Oh crap ! The L-World start so i've to go...

Happy and Sad.

Sooo... Yesterday, or was it today, came House MD season 2 and Mötley Crüe's book; and I'm happy about it.

But I'm also sad. And the reason, why I'm sad, is that MSI has canceled their gig in Ruisrock... And I really really wait that concert real bad, and now... I'm so disspointed, well sure they have a fucking good reason for not coming, even I don't know what the reason is... But I want to believe that, the reason is good.
And if it's about Lyn, then it's very understandable...
But I just have to hope that they're coming some other time in Finland.

Guess the House's season 2 arrived tomorrow, or later today... I don't know, but hope soon : )

Oh and I found some pics of Frank, and he's fat... But hey I don't give a shit about it if he's fat or not... I mean, he's still the same person...

But back to the top... Soo, I'm waitin' House's season 2, and less I'm waitin' Mötley's book..
Oh, and this heart-shaped box book is amazing... I love it, even I haven't read it yet... And I'm sure that Jude and Georgia won't die... Or at least I hope that..

Shock

This is so wrong! I have only 50 movies, and I even look them all if I'd watch some of those 50 movies, but no. There's none what I want to watch right now.
Well tomorrow or tuesday should come House MD season 2 so I get to watch that.
And then also I'm waitin' Mätley Crüe's book, yey!

Oh by the way http://www.mychemicalromance.com/product/limited-edition-venganza-vest-and-usb&cmpid=0309/MCR/featured/mainsite/venganza/image << I ordered that last night.. I supposed to order it yesterday in the noon, but the payment thing didn't accept my visa... Guess it's get over 100€.. I mean the total sum, but yeah no I have order, oh lemme correct, per-order it. So waitin' for that....

Hmh, I want to watch a movie, but yet again I don't have anything to watch...
I want to see Watchmen, but I don't know does any of my friends want to see it... Well guess I shuold just wait that comes DVD so I could buy it, or my mum buy it and I'll pay it for her back.
Damn, I have pay House MD season 3 back for my mum... She said that she order it for me as she order twilight for me...! yey, I can't wait for see twilight with subtitles... =)
I wanna know how wrong am I translate the movie, when I wathced it without subtitles.. Hope so not much.

But yeh, I guess I'm going to read the book again..

Sight

It's always the same thing...

When I'm doing something, like watching TV, reading, anything; peaople start to talk t ome in msn.
But then when I'm not doing anything or I stop doing those things, no one talk to me. And then suddenly they just go away. Oflline, and then they could come online next time like... next day...!

And that's really make me think about, what's really wring with me, 'cause no one doesn't talk to me?
I mean, sure it's nice when people talk to you, but then when you really want to do somethin, their just disturbing you, and I could say that's not nice. Those times you just want to scream at them, and tell them to shut the fuck up that you want to do your things. And after those things you could talk. But when you told those people as friendly as you can, the took a peas in their asses and there where sun and the rain don't reach.
And that is the thing what's pisses me mostly...

And I have days when I decide to do nothin, but talk to people.. And when I'm trying to talk to them, they again don't talk to me. And then again their yet OFFLIE again, and what does tehy say to me ? nothing, they don't say me nothing!
And when I want to go OFFLINE, they start to talk to me, and asks " why you have to go? " and when I answer that I want to do something else, they're all like " oh " and then I say " then why the hell u didn't talk to me earlier when I really have the fucking time? " then their speachless, they don't know what to say, and then I'M OFFLINE AND VERY PISSED OFF!

*sight*

Oh, I can't wait next week!
yey House MD season 2 should come at the beginning the week, and Mötley Crüe's book should come at the end of the week...
Oh, and I should read the Joe Hill's book first, before I could start to watch House, or read the next book =)

Oh, gosh it's so boring...

owww, my knees hurt... : <<<

Next week...

Soo, I'm waiting next week, because Mötley Crüe's book and House MD season 2 should come then. But I'm not so sure when then the book comes, maybe the end of the week...
House MD season 2 should come at the beginning of the week... maybe monday, or tuesday.

Oh and my friend Tia is coming here after two weeks ^^' Can't wait for that =)
It's going to be fun!!

These few days I haven't write here, because I haven't anything special to tell about.

But lets see what have happened.
Yesterday, I ordered Mötley Crüe's The Dirt book after like one month for looking at it, in english version; finally I found it.

And yesterday Gerard Way's The Umbrella Academy book. It was long waiting it, but it was worth it. I were wondering while reading it, that what if this is not good? Sure I've known that Gerard is good with lyrics, but with comics? I was so amazed about that it was interesting and good.
I can't wait for another the umbrella academy book. I really, really like the book, and the way those charters were drawn was absolutely amazing!

Well, that's enough for the book.

Uuurm...

Oh, yes.
I clean a bit here while ago, and little later I clean more =)

And I can't wait for Ruisrock.... ;)

xoxo

I were shopping with my mum <3

Soo, I were shopping wiht my mum today in Turku...
We bought for new coffee maker, jeans, long sleeve, underwears and dvd; Saw V and I also bought for me new lip piercing for me. Horshoe with spikes ^^'

I actually payed only the dvd, underwears and the dvd. My mum,obviously, pay the others...
After the shopping we went to Rosso to eat some pizza ( I ordered the pizza ) and my mum ordered potatoes and steak...
And ofcourse we took dessert... ; ) I took espresso coffee with ice cream and my mum took chocolate cake with buckthorn sauce, but my mum said that she think it was buckthorn marmelade.... but whatever...

After we were done we came back to my town and went to grocery shop to buy a little food for tomorrow and some stuff for the bread what we're making actually now... Well I made the dough, and my mum is gonna make rest of the bread so, I decide to come here to tell what've happened today : )

Oh and my mum also bought for her some new make-ups....

Well, I think this is enough for today...

P.S. Mister X haven't been in IRC-Galleria, so I have to wait until he goes there -.-'
God I hate this waitin',
but yeah I go now, I think I help my mum a little...

bitches

SÄÄNNÖT:
1. Laita musiikki soimaan ja satunnaissoitolle.
2. Jokaisen kysymyksen kohdalla paina seuraava kappale vastauksen saamiseksi.
3. Kirjoita laulun nimi kysymyksen vastaukseksi, vaikka se olisi mitä.
4. Jaa tämä 20 ystäväsi kanssa!

1. Jos joku kysyy 'onko se okei' sinä sanot?
- suite-pee

2. Mikä kuvaisi parhaiten persoonallisuuttasi?
- you sound like you're sick

3. Mistä pidät miehessä tai naisessa?
- dammit

4. Miltä tuntuu tänään?
- parempaa aikaa

5. Mikä on elämäsi tarkoitus?
- reebok commercial

6. Mikä on mottosi?
- when I'm gone

7. Mitä ystäväsi ajattelevat sinusta?
- the swim

8. Mitä ajattelet usein?
- this is how I disappear

9. Mitä ajattelet parhaasta ystävästäsi?
- the rock show

10. Mitä ajattelet henkilöstä, josta pidät?
- pathetic

11. Mikä on elämäntarinasi?
- pusshin prin

12. Mitä haluat olla isona?
- [dis]

13. Mitä ajattelet kun näet ihmisen, josta pidät?
- greenvalley '99

14. Mitä vanhempasi ajattelevat sinusta?
- prelude 12/21

15. Miltä sinusta tuntuu hautajaisissasi?
- prisoner of today

16. Mitä häissäsi soitetaan?
- all in the name of

17. Mikä on harrastuksesi tai mielenkiinnon kohde?
- space monkey punks from japan

18. Mikä on suurin pelkosi?
- silver

19. Mikä on suurin salaisuutesi?
- no more

20. Mitä ajattelet ystävistäsi?
- tv

21. Millä nimellä otsikoit tämän?
- bitches

Saturday, I'm going to Turku with my mum, and then I'm gonna buy long sleeve or hoodie and jeans...
YEY, and now my friend Jenna could be proud of me that I'm gonna buy J-E-A-N-S !
She gave me her jeans, 'casue they were too big for her, so thanks again.. : )

but now I keep continue listening Mötley crüe...

Confused...

Yet I can't believe that MSI is coming Finland, and I'm gonna see them...
It's just so amazing!! I...I.. I don't know what to say or do...

My first reaction when read that they're coming here was that I start to cry, and then I start to scream... And after screaming I called my mum to say " Hey you know what? " and she didn't want to guess, so I just simply told her that MSI is coming in Ruisrock and I have to go there... And she just said " well you can go there " and then again I scream.

I hope to see MCR sometime too... : )

o.Ô

MY GOD!

I cleaned my kitchen... WOW, and that's alot from me, 'cause I hate cleaning.
And my mum says that I have been very industrious today...
Guess she's proud of me that I've been cleaning over here.
Or at least she should be, 'cuase I'm very proud of myself

Go me Go!

Damn, I so proud of myself!

I just wash my dishes, and while ago, I wash my dark grey pants, which legs are some " holes " like where you could put your pencils, and little under pocket there's a pocket for an mobile phone i guess... Or it seems it is, but whatever, it's a pocekt too....

And now... I think I just surf aroud the Net and maybe watch some tv; maybe.

But now, I go again...

hmh

My day is ruined again...

The woman from that Kisällikellari place send me a text message that she have taken for me time to see occupational health care's woman for the check and after taht I've to go to the Kisällikellari. And she also put there that hope I answer for her pretty soon 'cause if the time doesn't suit for me she could change it.
But hah, guess what I planned to do? I won't answer for her message, and I won't answer for her if she calls me, because I'm " sleeping ".
And I text that for my mum and told her that I won't answer for anyone else but for her * i mean my mum * 'cause I'm sleeping... So HA !

Peoplse should got to use to that I won't answer always or pick up the phone always if their calling for me. And they just have to accept that I'm not going to Kisällikellari. I already told that for the women who text me.

OH CRAP! now that social shit woman called me... HAHAH, but I didn't answer for her...
they have to thought that I AM SLEEPING...
God, hope their not coming behind my door! well that's their problem, 'cause I'm not open it 'cause I'm not waiting anyone.

Oh, and I really thought that they understand that if I said that I don't want to go there, and I expect that they wont force me to go there.... duh, their fucking adults!

And they're forcing me to go there, I mean Kisällikellari, only because I do have to be something nice to do for days. Well, I sure do by my own make something nice to do for days in here...
It just... Well honestly, I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's just this flat where am I living; all those things what ave had happen in here and... This whole city, I just want to move out of here.
Well guess Turku is better than nothing, but I'm not so sure do I want to move Turku neither.
I mean I've said that I want to move out of Turku, somewhere far way from Turku..
Well maybe not litrally far away, but far away... Like Helsinki or Tampere... Those sounds pretty far away from Turku, and maybe there I could start a whole new life.

Well maybe not a whole new life, but new life... Make some friends and that kind of things, you know.
And honestly I don't have much friends in here, well sure I have Jenna here,
but I don't see her like every week or every weekends... She don't have enough money or so....

But surely I could figure out something nice to do in here, that's not a problem at all...
I have even clean in here, and I hate cleaning real bad, but I did it!
But, I don't know do there have to be but's or well's or so's, it just comes automaticlly...

I was suppose to go in IRC-Galleria to write this same text in my diary, but it doesn't work again... -.-'
Ugh, I think I go again to do something clever...

I suppose to go thursday to Kisällikellari here in Lieto, but yet again; I don't want to.
I just talk about it with my mum, and I told her that I'm 18 and I suppose to make my own decisions on my own.
And no-one should told me what I'm suppose to do now or then and then.

Like an example my shrink, told me that I do have an something nice to do in my days. And now I'm thinking about that, and I could say I could find something to do.
Like, cleaning here even it's not dirty in here, or go out for walk or something.
I mean, I didn't go to bed while ago when I came back home from srhink. And yet again that's a good thing for me.
I've been for now about an week awake like a normal person should.
Yesterday I even wash my dishes, and just put things in order and maybe today I'll do it again ; )

But for now I've to go now... too much to talkin' and sort out of my things now...

finally satisfied...

I was makfing some food for me; spaghetti and brown sauce with minced meat.
And I could say I'm finally satisfied for the sauce I made... It's almost like my mum's, but yet as good as my mum's. She'd be proud of me, when I tell her that I finally made brown sauce with minced meat, and I myself like it. I mean, that's good for me, 'cause most of all, I'm not satisfied for anything I do so...
For now I could be happy about the food I made.

Oh, crap!

I have a shrink meeting tomorrow... Uugh, I hate to go there. I mean, is it suppose to help you when you meet shrin/psychologist or whatever u called them?
I could be deprssed, but not that stupid that I don't get that their suppose to help people, not to be so... bored in their fucking job! Oh, and I think she's better with kids than young.
And it's bothering me a lot that she doesn't seem to understand me what I'm saying to her.
I mean she's always asking the questiong " why? ".
Sure, it's their job, but she just seems so bored of her job and life and everything... Like she doesn' understand youngs at all.

Gosh that food was delicious...

Oh my mail come, so I guess I'll see u soon then!

i want chocolate...

I am : A girl on her damn perioid; wanting chocolate !!!!!!!
Well thanks God, I'm going to grocery shop today, so I could buy some chocolate for me =D

less and less being in computer..

I have been wondering, these last few weeks
that if I reduce being in computer.
I mean, what's the point to be in Net all day long and doing nothing,
but listen music, and surfing around the net ?

I think thatif I change my doings in the day.
For example, right now I'm not in the MSN and talkin' with friends
but writing here about my plans and listening music.

I even shut the music down few hours or so ago, and watch some TV.
WOW, that's a good start.
And after this, when I'm finished this blog, I could start to clean a bit,
so I could continue it tomorrow.
Oh, and I put my alarm clock on to wake me up around 12 p.m. tomorrow.
Maybe I try again to fall asleep around 1-3 a.m. but I'm not so confident 'bout that.
But, we'll see.

Oh, btw, I download mcr's ' Desolation Row ' song, it's originally Bob Dylan's song. I like it.
Maybe I should go to youTube and listen it there- I mean Bob's version of the song- and see is it better than Chem boy's version of it.

Oooh, but I go now to make some supper... And maybe watch some tv again ; )
But for now, Byye..

xoxo;
Mr. palloakala

I can't stand this...

I start this workshop shit tuesday;
though it was Okay, but I just...
Don't want to go there.
I don't know why, but I hate that place.
Yeah, they r pretty nice and stuff, but...
I just... I just don't want to go there.

I mean I'm there kinda by force, I never
said that I want to go tehre.
We were supposted to go and see what kind of place it is.
And ta-da, we were writing these papers, so I could start there
somewhere in the future.
And now I'm suppose to go there
ever week, two days in a week 4 hours per day.
Yeah I know, it's a bit for you guys, but for me...
It's just a little too much.. I mean,
I can't stand anything again... I just wanna die again.. I..
I just don't know what to do, I don't know what to think...
It feels like I don't have any thoughts which are mine..
I mean, there- in my head i mean- is someone little fucker who told me all the time
that I'm hopless little shit who should just shoot up in the hell, that I'm nothing but shit,
that I'm only a pure ZERO...
And I should just slit my wrists...

but thank god we have in this little shitty, cold world band called mcr which saved me...
maybe not me bby killing myself, and it's kinda so close, that I don't kill myself...
Oh, and 'bout chem, I have a nwe fav song again... : )
it's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish... it's just.. the best. and it reminds me alot sleepy hollow... maybe because of the words..

but I go now to think what the hell I'm gonna told to the doctor.. -.-'
Yeh, I'm not goin to the workshop place today..
everything's just too much for me right now so... I hope everyone understands me..

angst...

I'm very pissed off again, of everything...
I just want to thorw this fucking computer out of my window
I WANNA jump out of the balcony,
and I'm gonna get playstation 2 !!
oh yeah baby oh yeah ! then I don't have to play with this shit pc.

Oh and about week or two my mum bring my iPod, which she buy for me, 'cause my mp3 player doesn't work, and I have to listen music in the bus with my fucking phone.
And I don't want to use the whole battery of it,
'cause what phone I'm gonna call for somebody when I'm walkin' home...?
Yeh, I have this obsession, to call for someone when I'm walkin' home,
I just can't go if I don't call for someone...

hmmmh, Oh and I'm going to Turku tomorrow with my friend, and I think it's the last day when I could use my buss card before it's not useable...
DAMN I hate my situation right now...

Why I can't just die, and be happy ?
Why MyChem just can't come here in Finland,
so I could be real happy ?

'Kay maybe I should stop thinkin things...
It just hurts, ya know...

You're, oh so important

first time I realize it,
how much I really care
about you.

'n you're so far away,
and I just need you now,
I need someone to listen,
someone who understand,
someone real special.
someone like you.

But here's no-one like you,
no-one can't replace you,
you're so special for me,
you're the one who understand
And now I have to keep everything
in my mind, like I really care

I just need you now,
I'm too weak to call,
or even text to u
I don't have no-one here,
I wish that you aren't there

30 minutes is too little time
to talk, it's too little
It's enough to say how
much I care and how
much I need you now

I hope you're coming
in " our wolrd " soon,
I can't keep these thoughts
in my head

Why?

Why she have to be there right now,
when I most need her ?
She's there one fucking month,
and go home every weekends;
that's not enough for me.

We can't talk in msn, or IRC-Galleria,
because she's in the net only afternoons,
and I'm sleeping at the afternoons.

But thanks god we have mobile phones,
so we could text to each other.

But I just need her right now,
and she's not here... ( I don't mean
here, where I am, but here... )

Aaarrgh !

My eyes hurts.. ;< and their a little bit red, but not much... I mean litrally a little bit...

Oh, and I'm going to get that monkey, my mum promise me that I can get it.
And I order the hoodie today and it was past of their store... so I don't know when I get the hoodie.
I mean the revenge hoodie... yey :D Me likes, me likes.

And I don't know when I get the The Umbrella Academy -.-'
Hope soon.... well 'kay the book is coming up this year, but I don't know the date when.

Now I'm wondering, why I'm always writing my blogs in english... I don't ave much friends who could speak in english or even understand it, maybe I should start to write in finnish so my friends could understand, what I'm writing... Or maybe it's just that I love english, and want to move an America, u know.... But, I dunno, well whatever...

I think I should be going now...

it's just too much

this pain inside of me
is just too much

they say they care
but they don't talk

tehy don't say a word
they just ignore

if she's here
she will talk
she's the one
who care

she's the one
I can talk
others just don't
understand the pain

this pain inside of me
is just too much

Love kills you

it kills you every day
every now and then
you can't hide from it
you have to meet it

you can't runaway from it
you have to look at it
you have to take the chance,
to challenge it

you see it every day
everywhere you look
everywhere you walk

it kills you every day
every now and then
you can't hide from it
you have to meet it

you can't hide from love
you have to take a chance
and give someone your love
let them know that you care
or no one will care

let them know you care,
I care...
lets show 'em we care