Why can't I just fade away?

The pain is building up inside.
Don't know how long I can take it.
Don't know how long am I going to survive.
Why can't I just fade away-the pain will leave me; will fade away with me.
Can't handle the pain-not alone; need you to by my side.
Why haven't I talked to you earlier-why I waited too long?
What went wrong?
Can't think about anything else but her.


Can I talk to you? Can I trust you? Can I ask questions; can I take her? Can I just talk to you;and tell how I really feel? And tell how shit I feel?
Can we just already talk about this?-Now, when I'm ready to talk to.
I don't care if I cry nor not, I don't care if I don't have any faces in my face-Can I just tell you everything?


-Sparrow

Fuck this shit!

"Syvä ahdistus painaa mieltä ja kehoa. Mikään ei tehonnut vaan ajattelen sinua ja minua
Mikä meni pieleen? Sun kaunis kuvasi jää syvälle mun mieleen." - @junkmail~Ei Koskaan Enää

syvä ahdistus painaa mieltä ja kehoa

En jaksa-tätä jatkunut on jo aivan liian kauan

Milloin sorrun uudelleen?

Ei, en jaksa tätä paskaa-ajatukset hänestä eivät vain katoa.

Mikään ei tunnu auttavan-mitä tekisin, mikä helpottaisi?

En vain jaksa kauaa-bussi taikka juna, ei sen niin väliä...

Miksei tää vois jo helpottaa?-kaikki olis vaan paljon paremmin, jos en täällä olis.

"syvä ahdistus painaa mieltä ja kehoa. Mikään ei tehoa, mä vaan ajattelen sinua ja minua.

Mikä meni pieleen? Sun kaunis kuvasi jää syvälle mun mieleen." -@junkmail-Ei Koskaan Enää

Kyky samaistua sanoituksiin-tunne on tuo, voisinko vain haihtua pois?

-Sparrow

Hänen hymy-sulattaa kaiken; pettääkö jalat?
hänen silmät-lumoaa ja vie jonnekin muualle
hänen koko olemuksensa-voi kumpa toisen voisi saada
halu saada hänet-ei voi ottaa
halu kertoa tunteista-ei voi kertoa; järkyttyykö hän?
halu tutustua-ei saa

And I can't stand the pain

Se tunne kun haluat viiltää ranteesi auki


-Sparrow

How could you be afraid to talk?

Her, she etc - Person1
Her, she etc - Person2


How could you be afraid to talk with someone this much? I mean, this person is real nice, which I know, but... It's just so hard to talk to her. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of her reaction- but why? I'm not even sure why am I so afraid of her reaction- is it because I'm afraid that I just thought her name out loud? Maybe it is only that, but... What if I really thought her name out loud? Then I'm so fucked up, because.... I really do not want to say her name out loud. I want to keep it to myself, then she is going to lecture me and I don't want that to happen. Even I know she's real nice, but she could do it- not saying that for sure but... Only God knows.


Oh God, I do not know what to think about. My head is so messed up again. I do not know should I cry or laugh- or do both.


-Sparrow

"Kuitenkin sulla on joku oma blogi, mistä et oo vaan kertonut kenellekään..."

Turun matkailijakortti sekä My Chemical Romance:n (Ylempi) 'I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love' ja Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge' levyt

Kuva: Christa, Teksti: -Sparrow

"Sit oot silleen, et joo mä kävin piipahtamassa Turussa et sain ostettua kaks levyy, enkä voinu ostaa niitä Helsingistä."


Kaverini tuli Helsingistä käymään luonani " muutamaksi " päiväksi vapun aikoihin. Heitimme läppää siitä, miksei hän voinut ostaa kahta My Chemical Romance:n levyä Helsingistä, vaan hänen piti tulla Turkuun asti ostamaan ne. Ostettuaan levyt kysyin kaveriltani mitä me tekisimme seuraavaksi johon kaverini vastasi oikein randomisti; "En mä tiedä, tärkeimmät on ostettu."


-Sparrow

how your mind could be so fucked up?

Now I'm not so sure about having a crush on. I'm not sure do I like the person, or not. I told about it to someone, without any names, so the person could not guess the persons name whom am I talking about.

The person answered to me, and now my mind is so fucked up. I don't know what to think about, said or anything.

I don't know what to say back to the person.

And I'm kinda afraid of to talk with the person, about this face to face. 'Cause, what if the person guesses it right? what am I going to do then? jump out of the window? slit my wrists open- or my throat? I mean really, I've thought about that I don't say anything back to the person, but go there (to the situation) and talk with the person face to face; at least I'm going to try it. I can't say 100% that I can talk about it easily with the person, no, because I have a feeling that the person seems to see right through me when I'm lying. And that is going to make the conversation harder. I don't even want to lie.

Sometimes, it's easy to see her, and sometimes when I see her, my heart starts to beat like crazy eating porridge. And I can feel my cheeks burning like Hell.

So I don't really know about this situation anything. I really hope here's someone out there to tell me what to do- or not to do anything. Because I want to do something about it, but do I want to risk anything? No I don't, I do not want to risk anything about to staring my own navel. It just don't work it like that, I can't stare my own navel and live my own world where is not anything bad etc.

Gosh, I want to shout out loud how I feel, or what is going through my head. Maybe I should really talk with the person about this face to face, even if I start to cry but what the fuck does that matters? Nothing, maybe that I could have some feelings towards her. I don't know, maybe time will show me how things really goes and flows.

Oh and now I actually like her, and maybe after writing this shit, I don't like. Who knows? Only god knows what will happen, and I somehow wish so freaking much that I could have chance to get to know her... And maybe be with her someday. Oh, someday... I could imagine like... ANYTHING, what I want to happen to me, but I don't want tell them in here.

-Sparrow Thanks and says goodnight and sleep tight!

fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it. i don't fucking care