I can't stand this...

I start this workshop shit tuesday;
though it was Okay, but I just...
Don't want to go there.
I don't know why, but I hate that place.
Yeah, they r pretty nice and stuff, but...
I just... I just don't want to go there.

I mean I'm there kinda by force, I never
said that I want to go tehre.
We were supposted to go and see what kind of place it is.
And ta-da, we were writing these papers, so I could start there
somewhere in the future.
And now I'm suppose to go there
ever week, two days in a week 4 hours per day.
Yeah I know, it's a bit for you guys, but for me...
It's just a little too much.. I mean,
I can't stand anything again... I just wanna die again.. I..
I just don't know what to do, I don't know what to think...
It feels like I don't have any thoughts which are mine..
I mean, there- in my head i mean- is someone little fucker who told me all the time
that I'm hopless little shit who should just shoot up in the hell, that I'm nothing but shit,
that I'm only a pure ZERO...
And I should just slit my wrists...

but thank god we have in this little shitty, cold world band called mcr which saved me...
maybe not me bby killing myself, and it's kinda so close, that I don't kill myself...
Oh, and 'bout chem, I have a nwe fav song again... : )
it's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish... it's just.. the best. and it reminds me alot sleepy hollow... maybe because of the words..

but I go now to think what the hell I'm gonna told to the doctor.. -.-'
Yeh, I'm not goin to the workshop place today..
everything's just too much for me right now so... I hope everyone understands me..