i want chocolate...

I am : A girl on her damn perioid; wanting chocolate !!!!!!!
Well thanks God, I'm going to grocery shop today, so I could buy some chocolate for me =D

less and less being in computer..

I have been wondering, these last few weeks
that if I reduce being in computer.
I mean, what's the point to be in Net all day long and doing nothing,
but listen music, and surfing around the net ?

I think thatif I change my doings in the day.
For example, right now I'm not in the MSN and talkin' with friends
but writing here about my plans and listening music.

I even shut the music down few hours or so ago, and watch some TV.
WOW, that's a good start.
And after this, when I'm finished this blog, I could start to clean a bit,
so I could continue it tomorrow.
Oh, and I put my alarm clock on to wake me up around 12 p.m. tomorrow.
Maybe I try again to fall asleep around 1-3 a.m. but I'm not so confident 'bout that.
But, we'll see.

Oh, btw, I download mcr's ' Desolation Row ' song, it's originally Bob Dylan's song. I like it.
Maybe I should go to youTube and listen it there- I mean Bob's version of the song- and see is it better than Chem boy's version of it.

Oooh, but I go now to make some supper... And maybe watch some tv again ; )
But for now, Byye..

xoxo;
Mr. palloakala

I can't stand this...

I start this workshop shit tuesday;
though it was Okay, but I just...
Don't want to go there.
I don't know why, but I hate that place.
Yeah, they r pretty nice and stuff, but...
I just... I just don't want to go there.

I mean I'm there kinda by force, I never
said that I want to go tehre.
We were supposted to go and see what kind of place it is.
And ta-da, we were writing these papers, so I could start there
somewhere in the future.
And now I'm suppose to go there
ever week, two days in a week 4 hours per day.
Yeah I know, it's a bit for you guys, but for me...
It's just a little too much.. I mean,
I can't stand anything again... I just wanna die again.. I..
I just don't know what to do, I don't know what to think...
It feels like I don't have any thoughts which are mine..
I mean, there- in my head i mean- is someone little fucker who told me all the time
that I'm hopless little shit who should just shoot up in the hell, that I'm nothing but shit,
that I'm only a pure ZERO...
And I should just slit my wrists...

but thank god we have in this little shitty, cold world band called mcr which saved me...
maybe not me bby killing myself, and it's kinda so close, that I don't kill myself...
Oh, and 'bout chem, I have a nwe fav song again... : )
it's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish... it's just.. the best. and it reminds me alot sleepy hollow... maybe because of the words..

but I go now to think what the hell I'm gonna told to the doctor.. -.-'
Yeh, I'm not goin to the workshop place today..
everything's just too much for me right now so... I hope everyone understands me..

angst...

I'm very pissed off again, of everything...
I just want to thorw this fucking computer out of my window
I WANNA jump out of the balcony,
and I'm gonna get playstation 2 !!
oh yeah baby oh yeah ! then I don't have to play with this shit pc.

Oh and about week or two my mum bring my iPod, which she buy for me, 'cause my mp3 player doesn't work, and I have to listen music in the bus with my fucking phone.
And I don't want to use the whole battery of it,
'cause what phone I'm gonna call for somebody when I'm walkin' home...?
Yeh, I have this obsession, to call for someone when I'm walkin' home,
I just can't go if I don't call for someone...

hmmmh, Oh and I'm going to Turku tomorrow with my friend, and I think it's the last day when I could use my buss card before it's not useable...
DAMN I hate my situation right now...

Why I can't just die, and be happy ?
Why MyChem just can't come here in Finland,
so I could be real happy ?

'Kay maybe I should stop thinkin things...
It just hurts, ya know...

You're, oh so important

first time I realize it,
how much I really care
about you.

'n you're so far away,
and I just need you now,
I need someone to listen,
someone who understand,
someone real special.
someone like you.

But here's no-one like you,
no-one can't replace you,
you're so special for me,
you're the one who understand
And now I have to keep everything
in my mind, like I really care

I just need you now,
I'm too weak to call,
or even text to u
I don't have no-one here,
I wish that you aren't there

30 minutes is too little time
to talk, it's too little
It's enough to say how
much I care and how
much I need you now

I hope you're coming
in " our wolrd " soon,
I can't keep these thoughts
in my head

Why?

Why she have to be there right now,
when I most need her ?
She's there one fucking month,
and go home every weekends;
that's not enough for me.

We can't talk in msn, or IRC-Galleria,
because she's in the net only afternoons,
and I'm sleeping at the afternoons.

But thanks god we have mobile phones,
so we could text to each other.

But I just need her right now,
and she's not here... ( I don't mean
here, where I am, but here... )

Aaarrgh !

My eyes hurts.. ;< and their a little bit red, but not much... I mean litrally a little bit...

Oh, and I'm going to get that monkey, my mum promise me that I can get it.
And I order the hoodie today and it was past of their store... so I don't know when I get the hoodie.
I mean the revenge hoodie... yey :D Me likes, me likes.

And I don't know when I get the The Umbrella Academy -.-'
Hope soon.... well 'kay the book is coming up this year, but I don't know the date when.

Now I'm wondering, why I'm always writing my blogs in english... I don't ave much friends who could speak in english or even understand it, maybe I should start to write in finnish so my friends could understand, what I'm writing... Or maybe it's just that I love english, and want to move an America, u know.... But, I dunno, well whatever...

I think I should be going now...

it's just too much

this pain inside of me
is just too much

they say they care
but they don't talk

tehy don't say a word
they just ignore

if she's here
she will talk
she's the one
who care

she's the one
I can talk
others just don't
understand the pain

this pain inside of me
is just too much

Love kills you

it kills you every day
every now and then
you can't hide from it
you have to meet it

you can't runaway from it
you have to look at it
you have to take the chance,
to challenge it

you see it every day
everywhere you look
everywhere you walk

it kills you every day
every now and then
you can't hide from it
you have to meet it

you can't hide from love
you have to take a chance
and give someone your love
let them know that you care
or no one will care

let them know you care,
I care...
lets show 'em we care